I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
