Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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