now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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