My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
