I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
