Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize