The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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