Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
