Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
