FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
