How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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