you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize