can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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