ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
