I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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