Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
