We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize