I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
