i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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