my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
