Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
