he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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