I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
