I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I touched a dick in church today
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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