sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
