I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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