I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
