Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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