if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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