I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
