You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
