hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I want a musical about memes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
