I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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