if i can run in heels then i can drive
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hippo gnu deer
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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