According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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