so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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