I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
