then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
