Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
