ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
