Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
