1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We're facebook friends in real life
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
