is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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