It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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