OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
