Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
