you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
