'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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