He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
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If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
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My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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