I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
