My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
