Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
