So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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