i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
