this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas