Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.