margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid