OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.