Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
