I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
