yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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