I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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