My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
